When you were kid, did your parents tell you that "life isn't fair"? What makes us dwell so much on the idea of fairness?

Last night I got home late and all the parking spaces in our apartment were taken. No biggie. Despite what the apartment managers say this is a normal occurrence because there are not enough spaces.

As with any problem, people adjust. For the past three years we routinely see people park in the fire lanes and the handicap spots without mishap. I always felt bad about doing that but that is the way it worked. I rationalized that it was caused less harm to park in the handicap spots since people never use them, there are several available, they dont block fire hydrants nor do they create blind spots which could cause an accident. So that is where I parked.

At 4:42am this morning, !BAM! we got a massive $250 ticket for parking in a handicap spot while the people who parked in the fire lines got nothing. Not only is that damn expensive, it is a sudden and unexpected change, and seemingly unfair.

After being pissed off about it, I got to thinking about the idea of fairness.

Why do we expect life to be fair? Why are some people outraged by "unfairness" while other people simply learn how to play the game better? Is it my imagination or do engineers tend to expect and demand fairness more than other people? After all machines are the very definition of fairness; they only do what you program them to do.

As I have gotten older, I have had many brushes with unfairness, usually related to some large bureaucratic organization. It seems that there is so little fairness in the world, it almost seems irrational to expect fairness in the first place.

Nature is not fair. There is no force of fairness out there. In my experience, much if not most of life is chance. Sometimes it is happy chance and sometimes it is unhappy. Sometimes you can work hard or be diligent and influence your chances; other times it really doesn't matter what you do.

One person drinks and smokes cigarettes and lives to be 100; the other guy is a vegetarian who jogs every day but he gets cancer. One person works really hard and does great work but the bosses nephew gets the promotion. I am sure everyone can think of a ton of examples.

The idea of fairness is a human idea, a man-made value. The only fairness out there is what other people create. Is fairness a virtue or simply the course of least resistance?

Most people think of the legal system as a machine that creates fairness but anyone who has actually been in a lawsuit knows better; law has little to do with fairness. The legal system is about compromises.

It is much better for society to settle issues with a legal compromise than it is for people to enforce their own way with guns (just look at Iraq) but the justice system is not a fairness system. Laws tend to focus on fairness because it makes the easiest compromise but there is plenty of injustice in the justice system. Just ask Rodney King and OJ.

Now that I have children of my own, would it be wise for me to teach them that life really is not fair and that you should not waste time wishing it so? My wife hated hearing "life isnt' fair" as a kid and vows not to ever say it. But I wonder...

Is it better to expect fairness and waste emotional energy when (invariably) it doesn't happen or should one accept the randomness of life and be eminently practical by focusing on the things one really can influence?