I heard a story about how our college system is doing well in part because people from other countries continue to send their children here for college.

In poor countries like Vietnam, the extended family will save cash for years to send one kid to college.

While we burden our kids under a ton of college loans, villagers in Vietnam will save $200k USD to send a kid to the USA.

That story about Vietnam gave me pause for thought. Other countries have a very different relationship to saving, cash, debt, and the value of education.

It is kind of shocking to think of poor people saving so much cash up front for college but that was only part of a larger bargain. It was expected that the child sent to America would use that education to pay back their family and help their siblings.

While many Americans see college as one extended Girls Gone Wild drunken binge, these people saw college as both an opportunity and more importantly a responsibility.

I then tried to picture these two types of students in class and how different that must be. The one who takes college as a given and another step in extended adolescence (Americans seem to think childhood now extends into the late 20's) and the one who sees college as a serious responsibility.

As a parent of a small child, I find myself wondering what is right for my family.

Would I have done better in college if I had felt some responsibility from my parents? If I had known my actions had consequences for my family and not just myself? If college had been more than just "what do you want to do?"

The irony of boundaries is that they can be both confining and rewarding. It is nice to be free but it is also nice to know that you matter, that your actions are contributing to a larger whole.

My personal opinion is that our culture has gone too far on individuality. We seem to feel very little group responsibility or even closeness anymore. Its one big party but get beer for yourself before the keg runs dry.

And I think that party feels a little empty. Some people never grow up but at some point I think most people ask if there is more to life than entertainment.

So what to do?

Teaching children about responsibility and consequences can start at a very young age. Like 3. And that is rather unfashionable. I've met many parents that want so much for their kids to be happy, for their kids to like them as friends, they spoil them to death. And they are offended when other parents dont. It creates a tense situation which kids immediately exploit by pointing out that so-and-so's parents let them do that... And dont fool yourself. It's much worse today than it was when you were a kid.

Our child is too young for this but I know it's coming. Although maybe the economy will get so bad, the party will be over by the time we get there.